Taken for Granted

One thing that we take advantage of, is memory. A bad memory, a good memory. If youre reading this post, most likely you’ll think you have 5x more bad memories than you have good memories. On my way to stateside, I am transiting at HongKong for two days. Here, i visited a restaurant in which i had purged in. I still remember the cubicle…

The thing is, if you want to move forward, looking backwards is hazardous. You have got to learn to look back and not immediately be thinking negatively. Think of it as a good thought – you’ve survived that day, and now its time to fight again. You’re all soldiers with common enemies – disorders. And we got this. Its time to stop making comments like “oh that was the time BEFORE i started cutting…” or “yep, that’s AFTER i’d started not eating.”

Your lives are too precious to be centered around when you started doing or feeling these things. Theres more to life than just remembering the bad days. Think of all your good days. If you do, and you have a bad day, would you trade away all your good days and memories because of one bad event?

You’re more precious than you think. Take care, love 🙂

Xoxo jleornie

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This was taken from under my umbrella on a rainy day in Hong Kong 😉

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Puzzle Pieces

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I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn’t know you had inside you. And it doesn’t matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends… you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And after all that, however long all that may be, you’ll go somewhere new. And you’ll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.

Our lives are nothing but mere puzzle pieces, isnt it? Some people have it easy, they have a model. They have a picture and they know what their puzzle will look like in the end. Many of us have no pictures. But there are more still who not only have no pictures to model after, but also have no idea how to put the pieces together. It’s not your fault if you’re one of us. This puzzle piece is blue, the other one is turquoise, another is teal. What the hell?! How does it come together? It’s the not knowing to how to put them together that makes up our frustrations. Like a child learning how to play with the puzzle. Soon, the child gives up…

What’s faith? Faith is believing and knowing that you are destined to finish the puzzle. The puzzle picture is so beautiful. you just can’t see the big picture yet. All you have in your hands are little fragments of the puzzle. To see the big picture, you gotta let go of the little pieces you grasp ever so tightly in your hand. That way, you can pick up the right pieces and put them where they’re supposed to go.

There’s gonna be a lot of things that you can’t control. And this anguish, frustration and hurt inside of you can be good for you if you know what it’s there for. Me? I still don’t know. But i have faith that one day, I’ll understand why the heck I’m going through this hell hole. Faith is what keeps us alive. You tell me you don’t have faith? I know you guys aren’t all Christians but faith can also mean a lot in a non religious way. You sit on a chair without testing it’s ability to hold you up. You breathe in morning air without checking if there’s a chemical leak in the city. You eat food readily served to you without testing for poison.

Faith is taking the step before knowing what’s going to happen. What’s the best part about having faith? Is that, if you let go and just believe that things are going to be okay, it may take a day, a week, a month, a year, or even a decade or however long it takes, but you’ll be alright in the end. No, once you’ve been scarred you’ll forever be scarred. Forgiveness heals the wound, But only learning how to let go makes the scar fade. 

Hold On Fast

Don’t you know? Don’t you know things can change. Things’ll go your way if you hold on for one more day. Can you hold on for one more day? Things’ll go your way. Hold on for one more day

The quote above is from a song called “Hold On” by Wilson Phillips. Judging by the pop music from the 21st century, this song isn’t the most catchiest of songs. But the lyrics caught me. While listening to it on the radio, it hit right on home. I’ve faced suicide attempts three times and each one more traumatic than the last. It’s still extremely hard to think about them in detail. I could still remember every single thought that ran through my mind. I could still remember the ringing in my own ears. Suicide isn’t a solution to this, there’s more to life than this.

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For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.

IF     YOU’RE     LOOKING     FOR     A     SIGN     THAT     TELLS     YOU     NOT     TO     ATTEMPT     OR     COMMIT     SUICIDE,     THIS     IS     IT.

Hold on for one more day. Hold on for one more moment. You’re stronger than you believe. Mental disorders are liars, they tell you that you’re weak, you’re unloved and you’re at a dead end. Stay strong, and stay positive. Please, if you think tonight’s the night to do it, please please please, send me a message. I’ll talk to you. Be strong

xoxo

jleornie

Mocked and Laughed At

I’m pretty sure many of you who have depression or some other sort of disorders put up a brave front;; a smiling face;; a joking demeanor;; a cheerful smile.

How do you react towards others who joke around about disorders like they’re nothing? Well, they are something. And they’re nothing funny.

Just because a girl didn’t eat her lunch means she’s anorexic. She may be feeling ill and nauseous, therefore having no appetite in food. Just because a boy sits alone in class and lunch time doesn’t mean that he’s depressed. Who knows if he’s merely shy or going through a rough patch? Just because someone eats all the time doesn’t mean he’s bulimic, what if his blood sugar tends to drop very quickly? Just because a girl has bruises doesn’t mean she’s self harming herself. What if she has a rough little toddler sibling or really is clumsy?

Sunlight

I took this picture with my Canon AE-1 camera, in a flower expo in Singapore’s Garden by the Bay. The sunlight streaming through the right side of the photograph illuminating the lavander was what made this picture so captivating for me. The innocence, the peace.

Even if they are not having disorders, doesn’t mean you get to laugh and mock them. You have the power to destroy someone’s life just by making a small comment or a small joke. Having an eating disorder is NOT funny. Having depression is NOT hilarious. Having general anxiety disorder is NOT to be laughed at. Having obsessive compulsive disorder is NOT to be taken lightly at all. Having crying spells is NOT to be joked about.

But be warned: there will always be ignorant people around who will mock and shun those who are suffering. Why? Either because they have suffered and had been mocked on, or merely because they are idiots who deserved to be kicked in the nuts. But you, you are different. Rise above anger, rise above resentment. Show them that you mean business when you don’t joke about disorders. 

Because  they hurt, they kill, and everytime someone makes a joke about it, it takes a part of you away. Little bits of you. If you keep accepting these treatments, you’ll find that soon you’ve got nothing but minute, microscopic pieces of you. Rise, my dears, rise.