LA Urban Lights

LA Urban Lights

Taken when I spent the weekend in LA with my 60D

Of all the things I still remember
Summer’s never looked the same
The years go by and time just seems to fly
But the memories remain

In the middle of September we’d still play out in the rain
Nothing to lose but everything to gain
Reflecting now on how things could’ve been
It was worth it in the end

Something New

Something New

I’ve heard about many different theories about why it’s so hard to move on. And hair is a big thing. I don’t know, I decided it was time to get rid of my careful self and just live out there. So I spontaneously decided to just dye a section of my hair red. It felt good to let go and just do what I want I guess??

go out there and just let go! Let go of what ever worries hold you back. Dye your hair, Chalk it maybe? Cut your hair short! or layer your hair! Change your style for a day, maybe you’ll learn to embrace something new!

Hoping that you guys have a great day 🙂
xoxo
jleornie

Take time to realise

Everything pissed her off.
Everyone pissed her off.
Those who are close to her suffered her wrath and frustrations.
Jackie couldn’t hold it in any further. She’d exploded. She’d purge after every meal, and binge in between. it felt good for her, something she knew she was finally good at. She couldn’t blow up at those who wasn’t close to her, she just can’t. But she did to those around her…
“What’s that around your eyes?” Her sister would ask in disgust.
“Just shut up will you?!” She’d snap back. Anger raged through her like a fire in the woods.
“Mommmyyy!! Jackie’s eye looks gross!”
“Geeze will you just shut the freak up ?!” The fire within her quickly grew into an inferno.
“Jackie?” Her mother would ask.
One gaze and Jackie stormed away into the bathroom to do what she does best.
Little red dots will appear around and under her eyes, she checked it up, it wasn’t a rash. It was just due to her purging. It had put loads of pressure on her eyes, popping the tiny blood vessels. A small price she paid to do what she was doing now.
Her mouth once more filled with the dirty feeling as she released everything out. Her body pumping with adrenaline as her stomach knotted out its fillings through the gullet and into the toilet. Snapping her head up she saw her reflection in the mirror. Gasping and panting for breath, she sniffed her nose and rubbed away the tears in her eyes from the purging. The girl in the reflection wasn’t very pretty, she knew it was definitely her. For the first time she realized the dots around her eyes, the swelling of the nose, Jackie ran back into her room and sat down, bursting into tears.
She rocked herself back and forth, comforting herself, “no one’s perfect. no one’s perfect.”
A red line caught her eye as she cradled her left arm. It was still throbbing a dull pain since yesterday. A perfect, red, swollen line. The more she looked at it, the more she felt so angry, upset, frustrated. In her rage, she scratched away the top scab. Closing her mouth just in time to not let out a yelp of pain. Blood started to flow again. Blood mixed with tears. She concentrated on the pain of her arm. At least it was better than what she felt inside of her. A monster crept within her, ready to pounce out and show itself to the world. She sat there, silent, containing herself.
A bag of chips caught her eye, along with some candies, snacks, chocolates and drinks she had stuffed into her bag earlier. Gingerly, she reached out to it. Eating them ravishly just to purge them out again later…

—————————————————————————————————-

This picture was taken with my Canon 60D. These lights are what keep me accompanied in the night in case i wake up from a nightmare. Since nightmares are very common in my sleep, I keep them on for extra help to readjust back to reality.

This picture was taken with my Canon 60D. These lights are what keep me accompanied in the night in case i wake up from a nightmare. Since nightmares are very common in my sleep, I keep them on for extra help to readjust back to reality.

I used to have a blog, where i could just rant everything out. And i just wanted to share a story that i had written in my blog. It’s a true story, a memory that haunts me even until today. Sure, it wasn’t one of my “big deals” but this was at the very beginning of my depression and bulimic days… I just hope this shows a little bit of the anguish I had felt, and to let it be a testimony that one  can recover, and it’s very much possible
xoxo

Let it out.

Let it out.

I tend to find that journaling helps a lot. I have a journal named Kate, maybe I can take a picture of her soon and show it to you. Katherine has been my best friend in terms of the one who knows everything and anything about me. I write in her all the time. If I didn’t bring her out, I’d just grab a piece of paper and write, then I can stuff it in Kate when I get home. Writing isn’t just about wanting to express yourself. It’s also a way of relieving yourself. At times when I don’t know what to write, I just write about what I feel.

many people tend to think that your journal must be neat. Codswallop! Your journal is only for you and you alone. No one else. I’ve had entries in which there has been nothing but unreadable scribbles. I’ve had pages in which writings are ruined no thanks to tears. I’ve had pages and pages of just song lyrics that have helped me throughout my process. I’ve learned so much about myself here just from Kate alone. I can learn about my progress and track my moods.

Think about it. Journals can prevent you from exploding.
xoxo!